User blog:The Flatwoods Monster/Fran Bow vs The Baudelaires. Epic Rap Battles of Horror Season 5
really tapped into my obscure characters on this one. welp, lets get curious hello everyone and welcome back to Epic Rap Battles of Horror Season 5. after about a month of no ERBoHorror's and shitty misc battles you did not give a single shit about, we finally made it back with 5.5. kicking off the third of four sets with an obscure-ass battle, today's suggestion comes to us from BTTF who first suggested it alternative to any other Fran suggestions I was thinking of, and then it was backed by GIR, Cave and Wonder but only GIR made the endslate because seriously who gives a fuck about end slates. The match-up features the ill-fortuned Baudelaires, consisting of Violet, Klaus & Sunny rapping against the tormented child from the game of the same name, Fran Bow Dagenhart & her pet cat, Mr. Midnight. It's orphans who are constantly met with repeated cases of different sorts of misfortune all puppeteered by a villain they thought was their friend, as well as constantly lugging around a giant liability. since i know you don't know who she is, Fran Bow is the main protagonist of the indie game of the same name which quickly rose to be one of my favorites, it's a beautifully well-crafted story with an awesome message so i definitely think you should check it out if you haven't, this battle features many spoilers for both it and a Series of Unfortunate Events (which you should also check out but i figure more people have probably heard of it.) along with half the season being over, I've started featuring rap meanings, tiny character bios and scrapped lyrics at the end bc i know how obscure my characters are getting, just bare with me we're almost to the end. Finally, quick-shout out to a few people; Wonder, for reading the battle over and giving me thoughts (I swear someone else did this too, can't remember tho, really slippin my mind here) (im just fucking with you thanks to Cave for proof-reading the lyrics), Joe since he wanted Baudelaires vs Van Helsing and those characters got used within one battle of another, and finally to Grav who helped write a ton of the good lyrics in this battle and really just helped the project a lot. Thanks. Oh, and you may have noticed, the story is scrapped. Finale got changed, I didn't enjoy writing it, yadda yadda yadda you don't care. Enjoy the battle. also, for the record, yes, i know my gifs are tiny as FUCK Pre-Battle Stuff Violet is this color Klaus is this color Sunny is this color Fran Bow is this color Mr. Midnight is this color Intro Announcer: EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HORROR! VS! BEGIN! The Battle 'The Baudelaires:' It’s a Bad Beginning for the stingy indie who’s crossing a prodigal After I put Bow on a package and send her back to her Hostile Hospital Translated to forty seven languages and you can’t put a dent in my wits When ejecting spit on disrespecting twits, I’m not just effectively sick; I invented it! Time for a fact check on that rap tech - But in your lore, a bore I’ll find, I’ve got no need to explore your abhorable story - I’ve already read Coraline! The symptoms of this victim are atrocious; Precocious emotions and lack of focus, So I’ve indubitably concluded that this nuisance diagnosis is psychosis! Pietahmeshta! Sunny says this is the second slaughter you’ve watched You’re looking green, smoked, 'cause we got this battle in Lox! We’re Violent Flow Destroyers Vanquishing Fran’s Delusions that she’s not fragile If you’re interested in happy endings, you’d be better off in a different battle 'Fran Bow:' That was Fowl to see; Doubtful Klaus just made a fallacy, ‘Cause I’ll bestow more rhymes to blow your mind across all five Realities! This tiny team of whiny teens conniving themes are sure to bust, What's hiding in their crime scene of a rhyme scheme? Good reason to get curious! From the darkness harks a persistent strike sharper than your infant’s bite Season Clock out misleading cop out’s, the Sunny day’s resolved by Midnight Curiosity skilled the cat, carving carnies when this Carnivore rips beats But watch your pea-minds cross a feline and it’ll end Unfortunately Question: How’d you cause more headaches than your prequel aBombinations? I'd ask for answers but you’d come up more blank than your Notorious Notations ‘Less your bearded creeper’s meaner than Remor, you’d best retract your statements 'Cause I’ve been hardened by tragedy sadder than your movie adaptation! 'The Baudelaires:' Klaus, quick! What floor can we find Miss Bow’s rhymes on? Likely in the same alternate reality to which her mind’s gone Touche. Now we’ll crusade to crack the case of who pays Fifteen bucks to play KillMonday’s biggest See You Next Tuesday! YouTubers do it to watch the views raise! THAT’s the part that’s more tragic, And now we’ve pulled up the bitter truth by the root! Horseradish! Got this in the bag the cat couldn’t rap his way out of when we blow off Steam, Killed a skill-dropping pill-popper, you just got Duo-teamed! (At the mention of Duotine, Fran's mind splits as she is replaced by the murderous Queen Fran Bow.) 'Queen Fran Bow:' Everything won’t be fine! I’ll leave you sicker than any small mint Your time is stretching thin, like a story-line after thirteen installments! Queen Dagen-Heart says OFF with their HEADS! Only THEN will I be So Happy, Let fire consume the Baude-liars! Retribution for your mommy and daddy! N-No! No! I can’t take this kind of emptiness, And let myself end with this by stooping to your kind of edginess! I’m sick of your gritty crap! This kiddy rap was just a shifty trap! I hate you! I HATE you! I just want my kitty back... (As Fran's breakdown becomes more evident, stepping out of the shadows comes Count Olaf. As he begins, several of his henchmen come from behind and capture The Baudelaires.) 'Count Olaf:' Hello children! I didn’t mean to crash this third party! I hear that’s sooo in this year, An all-seeing eye has spied this beating and is only here to collect your tears! You’re twitching and pitching fits like one of your episodes, let Stephano make the assist And leave you uglier than your demo with a diss that cuts deep like the slits in your wrist! A bigger threats imposed when the decrepit Bow is bit my spit like a tick Your kitty must have been left at home! Make like your personality, and split! Got a flaming familiarity to burn you unless you stop, drop and roll So just call what this bullet puts through you another one of your plot holes! (Since I know you can't tell what's happening in this gif, Olaf takes out a pistol from his coat and shoots Fran through the heart. She drops down to the ground, deceased, as a horn plays, marking the arrival of Itward & Palontras.) 'Itward & Palontras:' Hear out The One Children Talk About; He’s not Lemony Snicket, The gloves are off this crooked sham, but even his hook hands can’t catch their interest Packed to my hat with Bea-trick’s and even Mia isn't split on who spits it sickest, Death is just the absence of love, but marrying kids pushes the limits! You’re more baseless than your basis, as trustworthy as Grace is Pained beyond what I can save; Face it, Ventura couldn’t Ace it Pack more flows than Lachrymose, a Slippery Slope is where this foe stands, While we’re more boiling than the poison that melted Olaf like a Snowmaaan~! Announcer: WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT? YOU DECIDE! EPIC RAP BATTLES (RAP BATTLES!) OF HORROR! Rap Meanings Outro Who won? A Series of Unfortunate Events Fran Bow HINT DEDUCTIONS: Mute World: “The World is Quiet Here” is the secret code and catchphrase of the V.F.D., the omnipresent corporation in a Series of Unfortunate Events, which is mirrored by the hint. Scarecrow: The entire plot of Fran Bow revolves around the main villain wanting to catch Fran and remove her brain for experimentation. Basically, he shares a trait with Scarecrow in that they both want a brain. Hawkeye: A hint to both characters, with Hawkeye’s main asset being a “Bow” and arrow, ergo Fran “Bow,” but also his name containing the word “eye” which ties into Count Olaf’s tattoo. The Divide: The main cover of the book features a giant eye in the middle, ergo Olaf, as well as the plot of the story having to do with a boy who falls asleep and wakes up in a different dimension wrought with monsters, similar to Fran Bow’s fifth reality. The Tale of the Full Moon: Hint to Mr. Midnight in several ways; “full moon” can relate to night, ergo midnight, but that’s not the main thing. The Tale of the Full Moon’s plot has to do with a girl who lost her cat, which is very similar to Fran Bow’s storyline literally anyone could have gotten this hint if they just looked up the story. Also, throwback to when I used Mr. Midnight to hint to the Midnight Society. oh, also, the file names for every hint were some anagram of "V.F.D." HINT TO THE NEXT BATTLE: Asriel Dreemur.gif Hint_again.jpg Rip_night.png|link=http://epicrapbattlesofhistory.wikia.com/wiki/User:Nikki_Lee_1999 Category:Blog posts